Recently I met an old and dear friend for coffee. We got chatting about life and loves. Coming off of a bad break up, he announced to me that he’s taken marriage off the table for himself for the near and foreseeable future. He then proceeded to ask me to introduce him to some cute “fast” girls who wouldn’t mind just, you know, having a good time. I bristled at the suggestion and curtly told him I’m not really a pimp and find it hard to be complicit in his characterization of some women as such. He thought I was being such a bore.
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard well-educated, well-travelled and seemingly liberal male friends or acquaintances make such disturbing remarks. And its not men alone. I often find women to be great supporters of these ideas. Not too long ago I was having dinner with a few close friends and the discussion turned to strippers and bachelor parties. The women on the table were the loudest in support of strip clubs, about how they have frequented them and how it’s a “choice” women should be free to make. When another friend made a few valid points about how anti-feminist they were, she was promptly made fun of. Of course all these women were "cool, liberal chics"!
I have also heard a lot of women say how they are not feminists or political in a cute, coy way. Something to suggest that they are not one of “those” women… (as in your head wont hurt talking to me). I’d love to find out how these women would feel if they lost the privileges they enjoy as successful women in a liberal society entirely due to the strides made by feminists and political activitists over the years. Well here I go giving everyone a headache again. Now if something as sickening as the
recent rape in Delhi takes place, I have full faith in these very people to wake up and shout themselves hoarse in protest.
I’m aware that my examples don’t seem egregious or devastating. But attitudes matter. At all times. These light comments and attitudes are insidious and the fact that they happen amongst an educated strata of folks is a cause for concern. How are we to expect any progress in turning societal attitudes if these notions persist?! Women ought to be respected at all levels, at all times and one does not have to be confronted with an epic incident to have a political consciousness about it. So you may be a bore because you cant join in the joke of calling someone a slut, but be rest assured that you are consistent.
